TED 2 | REVIEW

The first TED movie was a sensation, it took Seth MacFarlane’s trashy humour and did something hilarious with it. I laughed so much pee came out. I had never really been a huge fan of MacFarlane’s but this turned me into one. Then he put out some shit last year that made me want to kill myself a millions ways anywhere. And now they were hitting up a sequel for TED, some sequels or reboots of late have been so bad it effects my thoughts on the predecessor, therefor I was dubious and entering with minimal hopes, the trailers I had seen looked good but were we getting all the good jokes in the trailers? Could this sequel get anywhere close to the hilarity of the first?

Well last night we got to find out, I was invited to attend the Australian Premiere thanks to the folks at Universal Pictures Australia and invited good mate, James. We also ran into retired Kernel Claire and what a fantastic night was had by all. Universal know how to throw a party for a TED movie, we had free dick shaped bongs, endless bowls of purple haze and got to have wild sex in the cinemas. They also, and really provided, DJ’s, free pizzas and lots of alcoholic lubrication. And we got to have pics with TED, the bear himself!! 

 

TED 2 PREMIERE IMAGE SYDNEY
TED 2 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW | MOVIE PREMIERE IMAGE – JAMES STEPHENSON, JASON KING AND CLAIRE SMITH

 

BY JASON KING

Did TED 2 live up to the greatness of the first. In my humble opinion – fuck yeah!!! Is it as funny as the first one? No. Is it as insane as the first one? Yes. I laughed so hard in this one that, while pee did not come out, I nearly passed out at the cocaine man joke, I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard. And the success of the film is not the plot – hugely weak, not of the main storyline – hugely weak, not because of the fact one of the lead actors is missing (Mila Kunis) – but its the little things. The off the cuff comments, the pranks they play on each other and the little skits/ scenes they find themselves in. Universal’s use of Jurassic Park in this movie is one of the greatest insertions of all time. I guffawed a LOT!!!

 

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TED 2 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW | TED AND JOHN BURYING THE PORN

 

TED 2 starts with an amazing opening segment including Ted’s wedding, that incredible dance number was magic. We are a few years following the events of TED and poor John is divorced from the love of his life, Lori (Mila Kunis). Sadly Kunis did not want to return for a sequel and this has a lot of people up in arms at the gaping hole in the movie. I thought it was handled well, but then I have not seen TED since it first released in cinemas so Lori doesn’t feel so important to me. John is devastated and lonely and refusing to date, instead accumulating the biggest porn collection known to man. “There are no chicks with dicks Johnny, there are only dudes with boobs!’

Ted is now married and him and Tami-Lynn have been married for a while and things are falling apart. They are entering lower class abusive status on their measly lives and petty squabbles. After speaking to one of the other check-out chicks about the problem Ted is sure them having a baby together and bringing something they love so much into the world it will teach them how to love each other all over again (because this works so well for people).

 

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TED 2 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW | TED AND TAMI-LYN IN BED

 

As Ted has no dick they need a sperm donation – this accumulates into some hysterical scenes at a sperm clinic and one trying to jerk off Tom Brady. Lots of lols!

Sadly they then discover that Tami-Lyn’s uterus looks like it’s been through a cheese grater and she is infertile and cannot birth children. So they decide to adopt. As such all the tests and judgements of the country come down on them and they discover Ted is not actually legally a human and he starts losing all his rights. Him and John decide to sue the state and fight for Ted’s rights, legal cases ensure and the lawyers argue like Ted is similar to the black slaves who were persecuted endlessly. They actually do this really well, especially when Morgan Freeman speaks :).

Donny (Giovani Ribisi) is also back being all nefarious and evil but I felt his story was kind of pointless and was added in purely to give him something to do in the movie. Same goes for the inclusion of the evil Hasbro executive Tom Jessup (John Carroll Lynch).

 

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TED 2 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW | TED CHUCKING JOHN A SPERM SAMPLE

 

I was starting to notice and worry that the film was taking on the typical comedy formula of funny start, funny ending and a drama in the middle and to some extent it did follow this but the film throws in perfectly timed comic scenes to break up the dramedy. John simply turning to Ted mid court-case and saying “erection” was enough to break up the tone and again have the cinema in hysterics.

Nine out of every ten jokes worked in this movie, some went too far and most were brilliant. There are a couple of American related jokes that went over my head, one about Arizona State that the woman behind me thought was hytserical and most people will not get the “salad tossing” remark from bloody dry-hilarious scene stealing Patrick Warburton (Guy) and his Star Trekking Worf boyfriend, Michael Dorn (Rick). Apparently salad tossing is code for rim-jobbing haha. Did I mention the film is incredibly crass? This is one NOT to take your mum to.

 

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TED 2 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW | SAMANTHA (AMANDA SEYFRIED), JOHN (MARK WAHLBERG) AND TED (SETH MACFARLANE) CHUCKING COOKIES INTO BUTTCRACKS IN A DINER

 

The acting is all passable, you are not seeing a Ted movie looking for award-worthy performances here. Wahlberg takes a slightly more back-seat role in this one and Ted comes forward. Seyfried was an awesome addition and I really enjoyed her. She gets bonus points for being such a good sport and allowing MacFarlane to take the total piss out of her. The one scene at Comicon nearly had me vomiting, so brief but so fucking brilliant.

If you like MacFarlane’s humour, loved TED 1 or love your SOUTHPARK then you will enjoy this. No it is not as awesome as the first one but there is more than enough comedy and insanity and crassness in TED 2 to allow this one to shine on its own.

And to close……………………………black cocks.

 

4 Pops