SHARKNADO: THE REVIEW

The cult crazy double Z grade appalling film of the century finally had a cinematic screening last night for Friday 13th at all Hoyts cinemas in NSW (at least I think it was this state only). Salty Kernel, Ben McHolme, attended and wanted to write a review as quick as the thought and screenplay for the film itself. Funnily enough this laughable  travesty has become a worldwide sensation cult classic and is sitting on 91% on Rotten Tomatoes – I am thinking this is a huge joke as surely there is no way people could love this film unless you smoke a bunch of high grade skunk purple head weed and head there with a bunch of mates to piss yourself with laughter at how bad it actually is. Anyway – Ben is part of the tidal wave of love for this film, or is it more that he is taking the piss like everyone else?

 

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SHARKNADO: THE SALTY POPCORN REVIEW

 

Have you ever wondered what kind of movie you could make with a million dollars? Well if you’re curious watch Sharknado to get an idea of how little a million dollars is in the movie industry. Next time you go to the movies and complain about the ticket price think back to the time you watched Sharknado which is estimated to have cost $1million. Then think how much a production company had to spend to make it look better than this monstrosity.

I watched Riddick last night and thought that was bad but after watching Sharknado you realise what you take for granted. Vin Diesel should win an Oscar in comparison and the special effects supervisor should win a Nobel Prize. However on that note the most recent Riddick movie cost $40million and has only made approx. $20million. Sharknado on the other hand made approximately $200,000 from about 200midnight screenings in the USA. This is one night and does not include overseas and revenue from the original and repeat showings on the Syfy network. In an age where customers are claiming to only be willing to pay top dollar for Oscar worthy epics, why is this low budget movie going so well? Simple…sharks in a tornado!

 

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SHARKNADO: THE SALTY POPCORN REVIEW

 

I am not going to bore you with what is so so wrong about this “movie” I’ll just tell you what is right. 1) The one liners, mainly from Australian actor Jaason Simmons (Baywatch). My favourite line is “I guess he doesn’t like the taste of vegemite”. Genius! 2) The fact that the director (Anthony C. Ferrante) doesn’t seem to understand the biology of a living animal. Awesome! A shark doesn’t just swallow someone whole and store them inside their body. This however is the beauty of Sharknado. Nobody cares. 3) One minute it’s pouring, the next it’s blue sky, what can you do when its filmed in 18 days? 4) One edit the helicopter is landing in a field then apparently it is landing in a carpark. 5) Generic hero Ian Ziering (90210) is shouting helplessly for everyone to get out of the water cause duh sharks! Not only does he stay in the water while shouting but so does everyone else. Don’t worry though everyone on the sand screams and runs away. Gold!

Tara Reid Tara Reid Tara Reid. What happened? It’s a bit sad to see what a tornado (yep that happened) her career has become. I never realised how bad her acting was until this moment and she is looking….um…not so good.

 

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SHARKNADO: THE SALTY POPCORN REVIEW

 

What else can I say? If you have seen Bait, Piranhas and of course Snakes on a Plane and you enjoyed them then what are you waiting for? Get your tickets and get some “liquid laughing gas” in you and watch it for the one night only screening. I give this one 4.5/5. It loses ½ mark only because Samuel L Jackson wasn’t in it to say “What’s with these mother f***en sharks on this mother f***en helicopter”. Don’t worry, the sequel has been green lit, so there is still a chance!

 

4 and a Half Pops