ROBIN HOOD – An Embarrassment to Filmmaking

There has to be one, and will win the Salty award for the worst movie of 2018. How, why, what the? Questions that ran through my head while viewing this ultimate stinker for the year. People started bagging the movie from the first trailer and poster, I was willing to defend it and provide hope because of my love for future husband , and because there is room for more stories in cinemas, he is one of the first cinema superheroes afterall. 

ROBIN HOOD is out Nov 22nd in Australia from the wonderful people at StudioCanal, it is rated M and runs for 116 very long minutes. 

 

Robin Hood Jamie Foxx and Taron Egerton image
and Taron Egerton

 

BY

ROBIN HOOD PLOT:

Robin of Loxley returns to England after years of fighting in Crusades to find his estate destroyed and his neighbours impoverished, all by the command of ruthless .

Learning that his death has been falsely reported and his love, Marian, is involved with a local politician, Robin and co-conspirator launch a covert crusade against the corruption. Robin uses his lethal archery skills to intercept tax collections destined for the Sheriff’s coffers, which he turns over anonymously to Marian, now a leader of the clandestine grassroots rebellion. Discovering a larger conspiracy that threatens the stability of Europe, Robin and his men launch an attack that solidifies his status as a legendary and unstoppable rebel leader.

 

Robin Hood Taron Egerton image
Taron Egerton

 

CLICHE RIDDEN ATROCIOUS FILMMAKING:

I am still befuddled, bewildered and beguiled that something so bad is getting a release. This is one of those movies that needs to be swept under the Hollywood carpet and forgotten for eternity. ROBIN HOOD is touted as a huge blockbuster and has stars worthy of such pomp and ceremony but they are probably hoping the media tour is quick and painless so they never have to speak of it again. New feature film director definitely has the potential for greatness. He has episodes of PEAKY BLINDERS, BLACK MIRROR and (upcoming) HIS DARK MATERIALS under his belt but he is so far out of his league on this it will take time to recover. Surely he read the screenplay before he started filming?

ROBIN HOOD is littered with pastiche cliche of lazy action movies and the story’s major plot holes need to see someone smacked over the head with the giant continuity cane. How does a studio greenlight a movie starring Egerton, Fox and Mendelsohn and then hire first timer writers, first time (feature) director and have the audacity to see as a producer.

 

Robin Hood Ben Mendelsohn image

 

THE DIATRIBE CONTINUES:

OK – the first 10-15min aren’t horrendous and set us up for a great story. I loved the opening credit art and I thoroughly enjoyed Tuck’s (Tim Minchin) opening voice over telling the audience to ignore what you already know of Robin Hood because this was a different story. It’s an origin story and ends with a sequel starter, a sequel I will video review naked if it ever sees the light of day. Trust me, even that grossness will be more entertaining.

Once Robin returns to Nottingham it’s all pear shaped. Who is this masked man? Even the ex-girlfriend works it out the first time she sees him up close. It then descends into some pretty decent and some terrible action sequences, strung together with cinematic poop.

ROBIN HOOD then follows a children’s paint by numbers screenplay that is worse than most film student’s first screenplays. The biggest fault in the entire movie, the one thing that had me screaming was the Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Mendelsohn) regularly saying “who is this man in the hood?” or words to those effect. But his right hand man, the man the Sheriff hired to track him down KNOWS WHO HE IS. As soon as he sees Little John (Jamie Foxx) he should know who it is, yet the two closest people in employ have a serious lack of communication skills for the sake of a terrible story.

And THEN – don’t get me started on the dialogue. “If not now, then when and if not you, then who.” I openly groaned at this one. And that was one of the better lines in the movie.

 

Robin Hood Eve Hewson and Taron Egerton image
and Taron Egerton

 

NOT EVEN FOXX AND UBER HOTTIE TARON EGERTON CAN SAVE THIS TURD:

Taron Egerton was perfectly cast to be a good Robin Hood. Young, bloody gorgeous, a good action physical actor, did I mention gorgeous? He has the ability to be cheeky and serious, cute and fun, agile and heartthrob and he can balance the lot like a walk in the park and if this movie was in other hands it could have been brilliant. Another huge letdown for him was there was no decent dialogue for him to deliver, he did his job as a hired actor but this will be one of the films he keeps off the resume. Egerton needs a better agent that reads the screenplays first.

I was astounded Foxx was in the movie, his Little John did end up being a great partner for Egerton’s Robin, if only they had something good to deliver. Ben Mendelsohn was the worst of all his angry roles, he mainly just screamed angry lines and had limited effect because he looked stupid not knowing who Robin was, worst secret ever. Eve Hewson was a decent leading lady, just (again) poorly written.

Jamie Dornan’s character was a waste of film. He delivered the role without any issue but he is an unnecessary love triangle participant who was basically written to become a lead in the sequel. His conflict with Robin would have been cliched if it wasn’t so juvenile and ridiculous. I have only now realised he was Will Scarlet, didn’t see that coming. His cause for becoming the man he will be in the imaginary sequel was way too over the top for how he felt betrayed.

Finally, the guy who stole the show and needed more scenes. Tim Minchin as Friar Tuck, his comic relief was a life rafter in a tormented sea.

 

Robin Hood Jamie Dornan image
Jamie Dornan

 

IN CONCLUSION:

Robin Hood is the worst movie of 2018 – run for the hills! The end.

 

 

 

YOUR CRITIC:

 owns, writes and edits Salty Popcorn and Spooning Australia. He is a movie, food, restaurant, wine, chocolate, bacon, burger and brussels sprouts addict. He is a member of the Australian Film Critics Association and has been in the  industry for 26yrs. Furthermore he loves watching people trip over and is Leonardo DiCaprio’s biggest fan. 

** Images used are courtesy of various sources on Google or direct from the distributor or publisher. Credit has been given to photographers where known – images will be removed on request.