MOVIE 43 | MOVIE REVIEW FROM THE VAULT

Thought I would copy over another article from my old site – this one is for the audacious MOVIE 43, some would say the worst movie of all time, I would say the most hideous technical farce of a movie with the audacity of a mountain lion in a squirrel enclosure. The film has balls, it stars half of Hollywood and Hugh Jackman literally has balls, in his throat. I cried with laughter in this movie and just took them all as comedy skits, most people thought they were hideous crass idiotic scenes and yes they were but the film was more about how far can we push it.  I reviewed MOVIE 43 back in February 2013, it came out from Roadshow, is rated MA15+ and runs for 94mins. If you haven’t seen it you have been warned but it needs to be seen :). 

 

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MOVIE 43 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW FROM THE VAULT | MOVIE POSTER

 

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FROM FEBRUARY 7TH, 2013 BY JASON KING

How do I review the most offensive crazy shitful movie of all time that also made you laugh to the point of bleeding tears? With abundant difficulty I assure you.

I had the absolute pleasure of being invited to attend the Australian premiere for MOVIE 43 last night at the St George Open Air Cinema – I invited my good friend Karin and prayed all day that it would be cancelled because of the most torrential rain seen in the country since the 1800s. But they never cancel movies at St George Open Air Cinema and instead give you ponchos to be drowned in. But what followed was the most unforgettable screening of my life.

We arrived to find out we were VIPs and to be sent to the Corporate Sponsor’s tent for 2hrs of food and alcohol prior to the event. We were then given the best canapes I have eaten, or should say, gorged on for 90mins while constant and attentive supermodels topped up our wine or champagne every few minutes. I used to joke that the more alcohol a distributor feeds you prior to a film indicates how bad they know the film would be – you overlook things when reviewing if drunk and boy-wonder this film proved that theory but the alcohol made it more awesome.

 

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MOVIE 43 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW FROM THE VAULT | FAKE BATMAN (JASON SUDEIKIS), FAKE ROBIN (JUSTIN LONG) AND FAKE WONDER WOMAN (LESLIE BIBB)

 

We took our seats in very comfortable deck chairs as the rain stopped for the duration of the film. And so began a trip down Alice’s poop hole into a film that is out of control toilet humour that I am surprised has not been banned in every country in the world. I felt guilty for bringing Karin to this, an English teacher who appreciates fine literature, we then lovingly endured being offended by everything on film for the entire film but at the same time we cried with laughter at the audacity – this film makes Trey Parker and Matt Stone films look like morning children’s cartoons.

We discussed the film afterwards and reached the conclusion that everyone involved were at a huge drug fuelled party that saw them all beyond reality discussing a film together and this is what came out of it. I am also beyond surprised that any actor agreed to be in it but this is what made the film amazing – I mean seeing Hugh Jackman with testicles growing from his neck while Kate Winslet dry reaches watching his neck pubes fall into his soup is how the film started and then it just got more offensive.

 

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MOVIE 43 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW FROM THE VAULT | DAVIS (HUGH JACKMAN) WITH TESTICLES IN HIS THROAT

 

The film literally has no plot, I mean no plot whatsoever! It tries to tell it that it is an insane man (Dennis Quaid) who has gotten into a film studio and has a gun and is pitching his film idea to a studio boss. His film pitch is for short sketches of film that have no meaning – and so ensues us seeing these crazy sketches.

The cast is huge and this is what will earn the cult following of this film. Besides the fact it is aiming to be the lowest scoring film on Rotten Tomatoes (currently at 5%) it will no doubt earn the award for the most ridiculous film ever made starring the highest calibre actors. The cast is:

Kate Winslet
Dennis Quaid
Hugh Jackman
Liev Schreiber
Naomi Watts
Anna Faris
Chris Pratt
Kieran Culkin
Emma Stone
Jason Sudeikis
Justin Long
Leslie Bibb
Uma Thurman
Kristen Bell
Halle Berry
Seann William Scott
Elizabeth Banks
Stephen Merchant
Snooki
Gerard Butler
Johnny Knoxville
Richard Gere
Jack McBrayer
Kate Bosworth
Chloe Moretz
Christopher Mintz-Plasse
Patrick Warburton
Jimmy Bennett
Josh Duhamel
Terrence Howard
Larry Sanders
Jared Dudley
Greg Kinnear

And these are the only ones credited – you will know everyone!!

The thing is all the skits are executed poorly but if you like offensive OTT humour that may deal with scat fetishes or vagina chomping life like lady iPods or a 12yr old girl having her first period with a bunch of guys or Batman being the most disgusting vaginal monologue or perhaps the funniest tampax advert in the history of the planet or possibly it was Hugh Jackman with throat testicles or kidnapping a leprechaun to gain a bowl of gold coins so you could pay the angel who sucks cock for gold coins then this could be for you.

 

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MOVIE 43 | SALTY POPCORN MOVIE REVIEW FROM THE VAULT | COACH JACKSON (TERRENCE HOWARD) WITH THE “YOU’RE BLACK” SIGN

 

I cannot give this film merit for any technical aspect but I give it credit for its level of offence and the audacity of it’s stupidity. I loved every single skit and have not laughed so hard in my life. My favourite sketch is still undetermined – besides seeing Justin Long in a lycra Robin costume I laughed the hardest at the tampax commercial sold on it’s leak proof ability by using sharks but the Halle Berry skit was the least offensive and the most fun of truth or dare on a date I have seen. MOVIE 43 releases on February 7th and I give this film its score based on its out of control humour and nothing else – therefor I give this film 5 out of 10 Tampax testing sharks.

WARNING – DO NOT TAKE YOUR FAMILY TO THIS – IF YOU ARE A PARENT DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SEE THIS – IF YOU ARE SANE AVOID THIS AND IF YOU WANT TO BE OFFENDED BEYOND BELIEF WHILE CRYING TEARS OF BLOOD RUN TO IT!!!

 

2 and a Half Pops

 

 

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