ALMOST HUMAN | DVD REVIEW

Final Kernel Mitch B-Grade Horror review for this week. ALMOST HUMAN actually looks the best to me. What a wicked poster and anything slightly alien-ish and I will love it. It was backed by IFC Midnight in the U.S. and these guys are a huge distribution company owned by AMC. In Australia the film is being distributed by ACCENT FILM DISTRIBUTION and GRYPHON ENTERTAINMENT. You can follow the film’s official Facebook HERE. It runs for 85mins (not cool hearing the credits run for 8mins as they had to draw the film out to be accepted for feature length in certain film festivals) and is rated MA15+. All the best…………..JK.

 

ALMOST HUMAN HORROR MOVIE IMAGE
ALMOST HUMAN | THE SALTY POPCORN DVD HORROR REVIEW | MOVIE POSTER

 

REVIEW BY MITCH LEWIS

If Alien and Species had a 4-way with TV shows The 4400 and Resurrection and let Friday the 13th watch, the indie-alien-slasher flick ALMOST HUMAN would be the bastard result of that very clusterfuck. Not to be mistaken for the Karl Urban android-cop Fox drama of the same name, ALMOST HUMAN would be almost decent if it wasn’t all mostly generic.

The movie begins with a panicked Seth (Graham Skipper) sprinting desperately from his car into the house of his friend Mark (Josh Ethier) and Mark’s fiancee Jen (Vanessa Leigh). He exclaims hysterically that something took his friend Rob, whom we never see, up into the sky in a blinding blue light. As fate would have it, the blue light appears once again and lures Mark out of the house and up into the sky. 2 years later, Mark returns out of the blue (no pun intended) leaving a string of grisly murders in his wake as he descends back onto his hometown of Patten, Maine.

 

ALMOST HUMAN IMAGE
ALMOST HUMAN | THE SALTY POPCORN DVD HORROR REVIEW | CHAINSAWS ARE BAD

 

Almost Human is written and directed by Joe Begos who describes his film as FIRE IN THE SKY meets THE TERMINATOR so between his analogy and mine, you get a fair idea of what you’re getting yourself into here.

ALMOST HUMAN is not a bad movie but it also isn’t a particularly good movie. It is a movie for the sake of being a movie. It doesn’t try anything new in terms of story or cinematography and to be honest, nothing happens in it. Nothing at all happens. Guy disappears. Guy reappears. Guy kills people. Guy is alien. Guy kills people. The end. Who are the aliens and why are they taking people? Why did they take Mark? What happened to Rob? Is this happening elsewhere or just in this one town to this one guy?

 

ALMOST HUMAN IMAGE
ALMOST HUMAN | THE SALTY POPCORN DVD HORROR REVIEW | THIS GUY IS SCARED

 

Josh Ethier and his beautiful ginger beard play a decent and intimidating villain and despite the sometimes cringeworthy acting from the bug-eyed Seth and Jen and the shallow dialogue, the film as a whole remains an ok experience.

I commend the teams use of practical effects over digital which lends itself massively to the overall appearance of the film; the use of CGI in low-budget movies rarely, if ever, compliments the finished product. Points are deducted for featuring the most disturbing cunnilingus scene I’ve ever watched. I can’t thank my brain enough for not finding that arousing, I don’t know which confusing direction my life would’ve taken if I had’ve but again, kudos to the creative team for using some gnarly practical effects to, uh, pull it off.

 

ALMOST HUMAN IMAGE
ALMOST HUMAN | SALTY POPCORN DVD HORROR REVIEW | I THINK HIS CHAINSAW HURT SOMEONE

 

Almost Human oozes 80s monster horror charm and although the story leaves many knots untied, doesn’t go anywhere or boast much of a plot to sink your teeth into, what it has it still plays safely enough with to guarantee at least a mildly enjoyable watch.

Almost Human almost gets 3 but will have to settle for 2.5 pops.

 

2 and a Half Pops