12 DISASTERS | DVD REVIEW & GIVEAWAY

Hmmmmm – I am bewildered by this movie, it was a telemovie in the U.S. in 2012 and appropriately so, it is about the Mayan 2012 end of days predictions. 12 DISASTERS aka 12 DISASTERS OF CHRISTMAS is now releasing on DVD in Australia. It is rated MA15+ and runs for 90mins and you can obtain it from all DVD vendors. Thanks to ANCHOR BAY ENTERTAINMENT  we have three copies of the movie to giveaway on DVD. Find out how to win following my review.

 

REVIEW BY JASON KING 

ANCHOR BAY ENTERTAINMENT, 12 DISASTERS, MOVIE REVIEW, 12 DISASTERS OF CHRISTMAS, Ed Quinn, Magda Apanowicz, Holly Elissa, Donnelly Rhodes, DISASTER FILM, MAYAN END OF WORLD FILM, RYAN GRANTHAM
12 DISASTERS | THE SALTY POPCORN DVD REVIEW | THE AUSTRALIAN DVD COVE

 

On Jacey’s 18th birthday, strange things begin to happen; water turns red, tornados appear out of nowhere and massive ice spears come shooting out of the sky. When Jacey is told she is the ‘chosen’ one, she soon realises that she is the only one who has the power to stop the impending doom. Using an ancient book of Mayan prophecies, Jacey and her father must figure out how to stop the twelve disasters that begin the countdown to the end of the world!

I have to be honest here, I did not like this film, barely even lasted through watching it. I love me a good disaster film, I head out to see them as soon as they are released, love them, even watching one tonight on DVD (Aftershock),  but this was an epic tragedy. I laughed most of my way through it. I get it, it is a telemovie, from 2012, but the special effects are pretty poor, this is seriously something I would only recommend if you are at home, in bed, with the flu, running a high fever, and it is on TV and the choice is this, reruns of Days of Our Lives, or Richard Wilkins vomiting his cotton candy film reviews that are all paid for by distributors :).

 

ANCHOR BAY ENTERTAINMENT, 12 DISASTERS, MOVIE REVIEW, 12 DISASTERS OF CHRISTMAS, Ed Quinn, Magda Apanowicz, Holly Elissa, Donnelly Rhodes, DISASTER FILM, MAYAN END OF WORLD FILM, RYAN GRANTHAM
12 DISASTERS | THE SALTY POPCORN DVD REVIEW | GRANNY SPEARED TO DEATH BY A GIANT ICICLE

 

Here is the explanation of the plot, it is based on the 12 Days of Christmas, which was really what the song was about, helping you solve the pending doom about to come and the Mayans saved the planet last time it occurred, but where are the Mayans now? Oh wait, the lead girl, Magda Apanowicz, is a blonde haired blue eyed descendant of the Mayans and the only salvation the entire planet has, but if the entire planet why has only one town been sealed off ala UNDER THE DOME style. Crazy grandpa has been babbling on about it for years and the family no longer communicates with him as he is a nutter, but thank god they do when it all starts as he has the books and knowledge they need to survive because 12 Disasters, means just that, 12 Disasters, funny thing is a few of them are only mentioned but never seen.

OK – the acting, two words, fucking atrocious, and the swear word is needed. Three people I liked in the acting department, the little kid Ryan Grantham, he is forgiven as he knows no better and he played a the young Andrew Garfield in THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS, I also loved the old dude Donnelly Rhodes because respect, he has been working since 1956 and he was the Doctor on BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA plus he died in a very THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW way. And while his acting was only passable I liked the lead actor, Ed Quinn, he was well cast, a total U.S. Jock Lumberjack type guy. But as for his daughter and wife in the movie, they made me cringe. I really thought the wife, Holly Elissa’s performance was one of the worst I have seen in my career as a critic. She is very beautiful and has a pretty full CV for acting and I cannot blame her entirely for her performance, most of it would have been green screen and the film appeared to have been directed by a group of primary school kids in film class.

 

ANCHOR BAY ENTERTAINMENT, 12 DISASTERS, MOVIE REVIEW, 12 DISASTERS OF CHRISTMAS, Ed Quinn, Magda Apanowicz, Holly Elissa, Donnelly Rhodes, DISASTER FILM, MAYAN END OF WORLD FILM, RYAN GRANTHAM
12 DISASTERS | THE SALTY POPCORN DVD REVIEW | MARY (HOLLY ELISSA) AND PETER (RYAN GRANTHAM)

 

But nope – directed by Steven R. Monroe, who has directed I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 1 AND 2 and has over 20 films under his belt. But things that blatantly stand out as preposterous, 1) Mary has medical experience and the sheriff is swamped with all the emergencies and asks Mary to attend a two car pile up on the highway because no one else can make it. Mary (and Peter) head there and help out one guy in a car, she walks past the other car that is off the road, but never checks for anyone else injured, just heads to one car with an injured person in it. The second car could have had a family of six in it – nice freaking murder there old Mary! 2) Whoever the mayor guy is, when he releases Mary and Peter from having them tied up and they run out of the house as there is a disaster going on all the electricity wires on the house start going crazy, Mary and Peter run away from them – for some reason this tool stands there and stares at them for what appears to be 15mins before being electrocuted, by this time, he could have ran to the closest Starbucks and ordered a nice warm “coffee.” Bad continuity, thought and direction.

I could bitch about this all afternoon, but I am a film critic, I watch about a dozen films a week, on a bell curve the film is an epic fail, but a lot of people will enjoy this. It is a disaster film and if you can ignore the direction, most of the acting and the really bad screenplay it is a goddamm winner 🙂

 

1 and a Half Pops

 

With special thanks to to win one of the 3 x copies of the DVD of 12 DISASTERS you need to either like and share this post on Facebook or retweet/ favourite it on Twitter, you then need to leave a comment below stating the answer to the following question:

What is your favourite disaster film and why?  

If you do not have Facebook and Twitter then get with the times old timer haha – You can still enter, leave your entry below and email me at jkdigitaldesigns@gmail.com telling me you don’t have social media 

Prizes will be awarded based on skill and selected purely on the thoughts of the judges, said judges being the Salty Kernels.

The prizes will be sent in the next week or two. Good luck! Oh, and minor housekeeping – huge apologies for overseas readers, this competition is only available to Australian residents.