POMPEII: THE REVIEW, THE PREMIERE AND FREE TIX

It started when I heard Kit Harington was coming to Australia – holy “tripping balls” it was Jon Bloody Snow coming to Oz. This would be my chance to be noticed by a god-like white walking fighter, the adopted son of a Stark. This was going to be epic, but how would I get there. Firstly I threatened to cut a friend of mine who works for Icon Film unless he got me a ticket – this resulted in no luck so I offered sexual pleasure to the people of Icon to get to this premiere. My straight friend from Icon had sent me an invite right after that, I think basically to save me from being arrested. So we headed to this premiere for POMPEII at Dendy Opera Quays, on the shore of Sydney Harbour looking over the Harbour Bridge and next to the Opera House. And I got to within two feet of Kit Harington, my life had been made, I would treasure this moment and the footage we got to see of the next season of Game of Thrones, but sadly the film itself would slip into a forgetful void that I hope I erase from memory as quickly as possible.

Also – with special thanks to ICON FILM DISTRIBUTION we have 2X double passes to giveaway to this – find out how to win after the review.

 

Kit Harington, Emily Browning, Jared Harris, Kiefer Sutherland, Carrie-Anne Moss, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Lee Batchler, Janet Scott Batchler, Michael Robert Johnson, Julian Fellowes, Pompeii, Pompeii Movie, Pompeii Review, Pompeii Trailer
Yep, I got two feet from Jon Bloody Snow – nearly slapped that Sky News woman out of my way

 

My technical analysis of the film is that it is a film about a disaster that ends up being its own disaster. The story is basically a C Grade version of Gladiator set in the shadows of Mt Vesuvius on the eve of the epic Pompeiian disaster. It also happens that our protagonist, one ripped abbed Jon Snow (he needs no other name), is a slave gladiator who used to be a horseman and the local “regent’s” daughter has horse issues and wham bam thank you ma’am she falls in love with Jon Snow. I mean, she is only human. But said “Regent’s” daughter (Cassia – Emily Browning) has just returned from Rome where the evil empire is spreading its clutches outwards and Senator Corvus (Keifer Sutherland) from Rome is in love with Cassia and is way too evil and throws threats and evil everywhere, he has also retuned to Pompeii to try and win Cassia’s hand through bribery and complete lack of flattery. So right there we have our love triangle of opposing good v evil with angelic “princess” caught in the middle while angelic “god-like” Jon Snow must battle constantly for his life while the gods themselves are shaking the crap out of a lava filled mountain that is about to spew it’s hot insides over the helpless villagers below.

 

Kit Harington, Emily Browning, Jared Harris, Kiefer Sutherland, Carrie-Anne Moss, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Lee Batchler, Janet Scott Batchler, Michael Robert Johnson, Julian Fellowes, Pompeii, Pompeii Movie, Pompeii Review, Pompeii Trailer
POMPEII – THE SALTY POPCORN REVIEW – STARRING KIT HARINGTON

 

The first words out of my mouth at the completion was “the director needs to be shot” – how the hell something like this would be made is preposterous, the film is an insult to the romantic mysticism surrounding the tragic disaster that took place. Paul W.S. Anderson is a director who has been around for a long time, completely the wrong person to direct a film about Pompeii. He is known for Resident Evil and Death Race, why the hell he would be given a film about one of the greatest historical tragedies in the history of the planet does my head in. The film has four (I repeat four) writers, two of which who’s best credit is Batman Forever and one of them actually wrote the screenplay for Sherlock (he has no excuse, he can write) but the film is mostly let down by the writing, the story is laughable and the direction is horrendous.

 

Kit Harington, Emily Browning, Jared Harris, Kiefer Sutherland, Carrie-Anne Moss, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Lee Batchler, Janet Scott Batchler, Michael Robert Johnson, Julian Fellowes, Pompeii, Pompeii Movie, Pompeii Review, Pompeii Trailer
POMPEII – THE SALTY POPCORN REVIEW – STARRING KIT HARINGTON

 

The acting is passable. I might be slightly blinded by the Snow, but I found Harington enjoyable onscreen and it was good to see him do more than Jon Snow, even though he was completely typecast in this. One thing that was amazing was seeing him smile, he has never smiled in Game of Thrones, also he is basically wearing an entire bison in Game of Thrones, me and every lady in the place was incredibly grateful to see him with hardly any clothes on. I will say one negative thing though, while he is the mysterious and drool-worthy character from Game of Thrones, I do not think he is ready for leading man roles, he needs to do some great ensemble roles. The guy is talented, he is firstly an English stage actor and a TV/ Movie actor second so he has greatness in him. I am looking forward to more of him in the future.

Emily Browning has also redeemed herself in this from that travesty known as Sucker Punch, I did not want to punch her while watching this and one of the pieces of salvation for this film was the chemistry between Harington and Browning, that actually worked. I also thought that Jared Harris and Carrie Anne-Moss worked as Cassia’s parents and I loved Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Atticus, Milo (ok ok Snow’s) frenemy – enemy and opponent that becomes his friend and brother in arms. But there is one piece of casting in this film that was the final nail in the coffin. I love Jack Bauer, I worship 24, but Keifer Sutherland is one of the worse pieces of casting I have ever seen in my life. Every action, every line and every movement he did had me cringing in onscreen agony. Why why why???????? Meryl Streep would have been more convincing as a male senator from Rome.

 

Kit Harington, Emily Browning, Jared Harris, Kiefer Sutherland, Carrie-Anne Moss, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jessica Lucas, Lee Batchler, Janet Scott Batchler, Michael Robert Johnson, Julian Fellowes, Pompeii, Pompeii Movie, Pompeii Review, Pompeii Trailer
POMPEII – THE SALTY POPCORN REVIEW – STARRING KIT HARINGTON

 

The graphics of the eruption are amazing, these are well handled, but the film has lost its plot by then. The 3D of rocks and everything exploding and what looks like their world entering armageddon is stunning. But too little too late and this will not save a film where the first review I read after the film was “is it wrong to root for the volcano?”

This is the worst film Paul W.S. Anderson has ever made, and he has made some bad movies. Pompeii deserves a truly beautiful film worthy of a culture wiped from the planet and sealed in a fiery lava tomb. A true film of Pompeii needs to be made with respect and not turned into a B grade action movie. This film gets one entire pop for Harington being there and for those abs and half a point for everything else I said I liked. It is out this Thursday 20th of March, is rated M and runs for 105mins.  Don’t take my word for it – watch it yourself and comment on the site whether you agree or disagree.

 

JK’S POP SCORE: 

1 and a Half Pops

KERNEL NICK’S POP SCORE:

2 Pops

 

With special thanks to ICON HOME ENTERTAINMENT to win one of the 2X tickets to Pompeii you need to either like and share this post on Facebook or retweet/ favourite it on Twitter, you then need to leave a comment below stating the answer to the following question:

What is your favourite earth disaster film and why?  

If you do not have Facebook and Twitter then get with the times old timer haha – You can still enter, leave your entry below on the website and then email me at jkdigitaldesigns@gmail.com telling me you don’t have social media :)

Prizes will no longer be awarded to first in first served. It will now be a game of skill and selected purely on the thoughts of the judges, said judges being the Salty Kernels.

The prizes will be sent in the next week. Good luck! Oh, and minor housekeeping – huge apologies for overseas readers, this competition is only available to Australian residents.

As a small tip to winning – people who actually acknowledge the review and comment on their thoughts, as opposed to just visiting to enter the comp, generally have a better chance of winning 🙂