BAYWATCH | REVIEW

For the second time in my life I got to attend a movie premiere and breath the same air as my bae, . I have loved him forever and over the last few years it has been way more for his looks than his movie choices. Not one to disappoint he dons his Speedo no less and dives headfirst into the . A juvenile piece of movie poop that needs to be burned in fire. is out Thursday June 1 in Australia from Paramount Pictures Australia. It will most likely be rated MA15+ and runs for 116mins.

 

Baywatch Movie Main Cast image

 

BY JASON KING

BAYWATCH SYNOPSIS:

BAYWATCH follows devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Johnson) as he butts heads with a brash new recruit (Efron). Together, they uncover a local criminal plot that threatens the future of the Bay. It has some truly funny bits, a shitload of dick and boob jokes and a lot of wasted film.

 

Baywatch Movie Zac Efron image

 

WHY WHY WHY:

BAYWATCH is trash. 21 JUMP STREET, THE A-TEAM, MIAMI VICE, DAVID BRENT: LIFE ON THE ROAD. All movies based on hugely popular TV shows that have pretty much been dreadful. BAYWATCH is basically the beach version of 21 JUMP STREET but way worse. It struggles under the juvenile indecision of being a dick joke or trying to follow the plot of the TV show. The TV show wasn’t a at all. It was a serious show that through time passing is seen as a cult of sorts, more to laugh at than with. We can probably thank the antics of leading man, David Hasselhoff in real life, for the show not fading into oblivion.

If BAYWATCH had not been called BAYWATCH and was filled with more dick and boob stupid it could have been better. Or if it embraced the serious side, and had the drug lords etc then this also could have been good a la Miami Vice. Instead it is lost in a ridiculous limbo of trash where a lot of things don’t make sense. Why for example was the character chosen to be part of the team? They said they saw something in him – yet it turns out he is just the tech guy. And even more so why did we have to start the movie with his dick getting stuck in a wooden sun chair? Too many scenes to gross us out – although I did laugh a lot at Zac trying to fondle a dead man’s dick.

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I expected a lot more from director, Seth Gordon. His HORRIBLE BOSSES was brilliant and IDENTITY THIEF wasn’t terrible. This movie could have been a comedic hit if it didn’t aim so low. I did discuss with friends if this is what appeals to younger audiences these days. Am I getting to the age where juvenile humour doesn’t appeal to me? Possibly, but then, comedies should be funny enough to appeal to the universal audience right?

Don’t get me wrong, there are some great hilarious skits and a minuscule attempt to give Zac Efron’s Matt Brody a story arc but it doesn’t help the movie in the end. Why on earth was his Speedo scene cut from the movie? That would have sold tickets for sure!

 

Baywatch Movie Alexandra Daddario image

 

THE CAST:

The Gents:

can do no wrong, this is probably the biggest I have seen him, and he really doesn’t disappoint with what he is given. He is just too cool for words.

Bae, I mean Zac, needs to get his shit together. He is decent in the movie but he is playing his typecast character of the last half a dozen comedies. His workout ethic to achieve body enlightenment for the movie is something to be applauded however. To me he looks too big in the movie but when The Rock bows down to you at your efforts and constontly praises you then you have done good. I am really impressed he has taken on some serious roles following this. Appearing in the musical THE GREATEST SHOWMAN with Hugh Jackman will give him credit and if he can nail the role of Ted Bundy in the serial killer’s story then I will reinvigorate my worship of all things Efron.

Jon Bass stole the show for me as Ronnie. Excluding the gross out scenes his dry humour and batshit craziness gave some of the more decent hilarity.

The Ladies:

Bollywood star  was a two dimensional “baddy” that nicely matched the image of one of the TV show’s baddies. didn’t really do that much besides the “not” love interest and as my friend Claire says “she was mainly just there to react to things Zac did.” Kelly Rohrbach reprised the role of CJ, made famous by Pamela Anderson, but she was no CJ. I really liked Ilfenesh Hadera’s character of Stephanie but it was overshadowed and she lacked screen time. 

One thing that quite annoyed me was the need for the characters to have the same names as the cast of the TV show. Why on Earth was The Rock cast AS the Hoff’s character and Rohrbach as CJ? Could they not have had new names? In the credit scenes the Hoff even asks The Rock the question.

 

Baywatch Movie The Rock and Zac Efron image

 

IN CONCLUSION:

BAYWATCH is a messy stinky juvenile toilet trash movie that fails impressively. It has some occasional hilarity that is let down by dick and boob “jokes.” The Rock can do no wrong however and there is some decent eye candy to keep you in your seat.

 

 

 

YOUR CRITIC:

 owns, writes and edits Salty Popcorn and Spooning Australia. He is a movie, food, restaurant, wine, chocolate, bacon, burger and brussels sprouts addict. He is a member of the Australian Film Critics Association and has been in the  industry for 26yrs. Furthermore he loves watching people trip over and is Leonardo DiCaprio’s biggest fan. 

 

** Images used are courtesy of various sources on Google or direct from the distributor or publisher. Credit has been given to photographers where known – images will be removed on request.